Hello World

Last night, I was talking with a friend of mine about Tom Cruise's totally legitimate relationship with Katie Holmes. We both agreed that he is a) straight b) not a credulous cult-member and c) extremely tall, and we definitely feel that his dating Katie Holmes, twenty years older than whom he is, is not in the least a publicity stunt and is in fact a public proclamation of a pure and honest love between two regular people who happen to be starring in upcoming summer blockbusters.

Anyway, apparently they are living together and engaged (maybe). What a storybook romance that no one, not even a heartless cynic, could take issue with.

Don't miss Batman and War of the Worlds: in theaters this summer!

Sarcasm update: See where I said "extremely tall" up there? That was the giveaway that I am not being entirely sincere! Not that you should need it! Even US WEEKLY isn't reporting this story seriously!

Yes, more Star Wars stuff. But this will be significantly shorter than the 2500 word abomination I unleashed this morning.

The Billboard Country Music Top Ten If Kenny Chesney Were Anakin Skywalker and Renée Zellweger Were Padmé Amidala
"You're So Beautiful (Only Because I'm So In Love With You)"

"Do It To Me One More Time (Like You Did By The Lake At Naboo)"

"You Had Me At 'I Will Not Condone A Course Of Action That Will Lead Us To War'"

For the rest, click here for the FameTracker article, which is so hilarious I want to paste it all here, but I won't, because that would be unjust.

Here's one I just made up, though: "I Love You So Much (I'm Going to Betray Everything We Believe In)" Not bad, but not so catchy.

I had a girlfriend once who only became my girlfriend after cheating on her boyfriend with me (I was blissfully and possibly willfully ignorant that she was dating him at the time). Later on in our relationship she told me that she had never had a boyfriend she didn't cheat on. Awesome news, right? Anyway, At some time past our relationship's inflection point I made a mix CD for her. It's easy to read too much into the songs I put on it, ranging from my anger with her (the unforgettably misogynistic "Bridget" - DOC feat. NWA) to the puerile and flip suggestion that I was only interested in her for prurient reasons ("Biblical Sense" - the Pietasters) to, well, anger again, of knowing that sooner or later she would cheat on me ("I Heard it Through the Grapevine" - Gladys Knight and the Pips). But even taking away the benefit of retrospection, those and many other songs on the CD have an emotional resonance for me that is tied to how I felt when picked them for this CD (which, believe it or not, was supposed to be a nice gift for her). So when I listen to this CD, I remember a time when I was angry and sad.

Still, I find it a lot easier to listen to this bitter CD than to listen to mixes I made at happier moments in that and other relationships. Maybe because I always think about what came next--in this case, a much-needed end to a painful symbiosis; in other cases, betrayals and unfortunate mistakes.

Don't even get me started on my emotional response to Celebrity Jeopardy.