True story, thrilling conclusion.
(PART I HERE)
PART II:
I left my friends' party, hoping to avoid any more annoying behavior by Katie, the drunk nympho who had thrown herself at me, tongue first. I went across campus to another gathering, where I had a quiet good time. I came home to my room around 2:00 am. My jackass roommate was already asleep, but woke up to give me a "hey buddy" when I came in. I quietly got in bed and went to sleep.
The next (late) morning, we were eating brunch and I told him about the girl who went boiled bunny on me the night before. Laughing, I said "she didn't come by last night, did she?" My jackass roommate said, "well, actually..."
Apparently, here's what happened afer I left the scene of the crime the night before:
My jackass roommate was in our room, eating a sandwich, sitting in my deskchair, watching an episode of Family Guy on my computer. He heard a knock at the door, and said, "the door's open--come on in."
The door swung open, revealing... Katie! Sweet, tiny, stinking drunk Katie.
You can imagine how confused she must have been. I'm sure she was very proud of herself for remembering my room number, considering her BAC. Standing, or perhaps swaying, in the doorway, her interrogation began:
"Where's Jake?"
"Jake's not here; I don't know where he is."
"Are you Jake's jackass roommate?"
"Yep."
"Are you... are you funny?"
You've got to believe this conversation was getting fairly weird for my jackass roommate, but he's pretty quick on his feet, even when incredibly high.
"Uh... I guess I'm pretty funny. Yeah."
"Are you funny like Jake?"
He looked at his sandwich, then looked back at Katie. Incredibly high or not, he knew the answer to this one. He set down the sandwich, paused Family Guy, and swiveled the chair around to face Katie.
"Yes. Yes, I am funny like Jake."
Katie stepped into the room, closing and locking the door behind her.
I'm not going to detail the specifics of the next hour or so, but all of the following occurred, I'm semi-reliably told (I think this is the right order): Katie performed a striptease, then gave my jackass roommate a lapdance. They defiled our couch, and then (or maybe at the same time) engaged in some definite sexual intercourse. When it was all over, she left. Then my jackass roommate finished the sandwich and the Family Guy episode, and went to sleep.
Sidenote: Considering my jackass roommate was known to a) take naps in my bed b) sleep in the nude and c) have no respect for me or my belongings (remember, he was sitting in my chair, and watching Family Guy on my computer), I think there's a better than even chance that he slept with her in my bed and didn't tell me.
PART II:
I left my friends' party, hoping to avoid any more annoying behavior by Katie, the drunk nympho who had thrown herself at me, tongue first. I went across campus to another gathering, where I had a quiet good time. I came home to my room around 2:00 am. My jackass roommate was already asleep, but woke up to give me a "hey buddy" when I came in. I quietly got in bed and went to sleep.
The next (late) morning, we were eating brunch and I told him about the girl who went boiled bunny on me the night before. Laughing, I said "she didn't come by last night, did she?" My jackass roommate said, "well, actually..."
Apparently, here's what happened afer I left the scene of the crime the night before:
My jackass roommate was in our room, eating a sandwich, sitting in my deskchair, watching an episode of Family Guy on my computer. He heard a knock at the door, and said, "the door's open--come on in."
The door swung open, revealing... Katie! Sweet, tiny, stinking drunk Katie.
You can imagine how confused she must have been. I'm sure she was very proud of herself for remembering my room number, considering her BAC. Standing, or perhaps swaying, in the doorway, her interrogation began:
"Where's Jake?"
"Jake's not here; I don't know where he is."
"Are you Jake's jackass roommate?"
"Yep."
"Are you... are you funny?"
You've got to believe this conversation was getting fairly weird for my jackass roommate, but he's pretty quick on his feet, even when incredibly high.
"Uh... I guess I'm pretty funny. Yeah."
"Are you funny like Jake?"
He looked at his sandwich, then looked back at Katie. Incredibly high or not, he knew the answer to this one. He set down the sandwich, paused Family Guy, and swiveled the chair around to face Katie.
"Yes. Yes, I am funny like Jake."
Katie stepped into the room, closing and locking the door behind her.
I'm not going to detail the specifics of the next hour or so, but all of the following occurred, I'm semi-reliably told (I think this is the right order): Katie performed a striptease, then gave my jackass roommate a lapdance. They defiled our couch, and then (or maybe at the same time) engaged in some definite sexual intercourse. When it was all over, she left. Then my jackass roommate finished the sandwich and the Family Guy episode, and went to sleep.
Sidenote: Considering my jackass roommate was known to a) take naps in my bed b) sleep in the nude and c) have no respect for me or my belongings (remember, he was sitting in my chair, and watching Family Guy on my computer), I think there's a better than even chance that he slept with her in my bed and didn't tell me.